This morning my precious (and I use the term loosely) son rang me at work and breathlessly informed me that his sister's school had just called to say she'd collapsed and been taken to hospital. Now I am pretty good under pressure, if I say so myself, so after a muted gasp, I calmly stood and told him I'd take care of it while I did a mental check to see what meetings I'd have to cancel etc. That's when he chortled gleefully and declared 'April Fool's Day!' Now I'll pause here while every parent reading this takes a collective gasp. Yes, that's right - he thought it was funny. Not just funny, but absolutely jaw-breakingly hysterical.
Suffice to say we had words and he rang off, rather miffed at my lack of humour. I really think he imagined that I would immediately chuckle appreciatively and then congratulate him at length on a brilliant prank. I didn't. Not even close. Now, just in case anybody is picturing this crestfallen little boy standing by the phone, and thinks I was rather harsh on the poor little mite, let me add the following information - my son is 26 years old. An adult male. So I think I am entirely justified in saying that the only family member who was at risk of hospitilisation today was him.
As a direct result, to calm my nerves (and my fury), I demolished several chocolate biscuits, one blueberry muffin, most of my lunch (even though it was only nine-thirty in the morning), and a piece of something that looked like a Danish but tasted rather odd. And I'd been thinking about being really good this week too. Bloody hell. Who'd have kids?
PS: I'm serious. It's not a rhetorical question at all. Because if anyone's interested, I've got an offer you can't refuse. One mostly house-trained 26-year old with a warped sense of humour. Going cheap.