June (soundbites from my life)

Today was a public holiday to celebrate the Queen's birthday even though it isn't really her birthday and very few would care even if it was. But it's sure nice to have a day off. In fact I personally think we should celebrate her birthday every Monday. Or somebody's anyway. But the upshot is that I've had a lovely day writing away at the computer so I thought I'd share a few 'soundbites' from my life with you:

1. My two female offspring (F18 & F14) are watching a skit on Australia's Funniest Home Videos yesterday, which features a rather rotund gentleman getting in touch with his inner seal. He slithers through the pool water and beaches himself plumply on the side with appropriate barking and flapping of hands/fins, whereupon a friend (clearly with the same cutting-edge humour) offers him a goldfish - which he eats. Okay... yuk. Really yuk. F18, looking disgusted, comments "well, now I'm over men for life." To which her sister responds with: "yeah, and now I'm over seals."

(So thank-you Australia's Funniest Home Videos, you have saved our family many awkward moments in the future. Not to mention hard to organise family get-togethers etc)

2. I am at my mother's house having coffee. She wants to get a tupperware container out from the back of a bottom cupboard and asks me if I could reach it for her. Now those following this blog will know that I have a torn ligament and am waiting on an operation (which is also the reason Kokoda 2009 became Kokoda 2010). The following conversation ensues:

• Me: "I'll give it a go but don't forget I can't bend properly."
• Her: "Why not?"
• Me (frowning slightly): "Because of my bung knee."
• Her: "What's wrong with your knee?"
• Me: "You know, I've torn the ligament."
• Her: "What? Aren't you over that yet?"

(Clearly they don't make them as tough as they used to. After all, I've had months and months when I could easily have made a small incision, executed a few nifty blanket stitches to repair the damage and then even signed my handiwork with embroidery thread before closing. Half an aspirin would've staved off any pain.)

3. My single male offspring (M26) and F18 are corresponding via facebook (even though one is in his bedroom and the other in the lounge-room - of the same house). They do a quiz to ascertain who would survive in a horror movie and while F18 falls into the 'wet blanket' category, M26 is designated a 'serial killer' (I'm so proud). He then posts "look behind you" and sneaks up the passage to position himself with his face poised over the top of her armchair. She reads the post, frowns, obediently turns - and the screams are enough to age me ten years and send the dog scurrying behind the couch, leaving droplets of urine in her wake (clearly possessing the guard-dog skills of an incontinent ostrich).

4. We are all, together with a friend of F14's, watching the end of Shrek 2 on DVD (note: this is an animated film), where the backdrop is a large pirate-style ship with rows of clouds cleverly positioned in lieu of sails. F18 asks admiringly: "How on earth did they get all those to stay up like that?" At which point everybody stares at her open-mouthed and then starts laughing. FF14 (also chortling derisively) responds with: "That's easy. They'd just have used string."

Welcome to my world.